First of she’s a Latin actress, which is good because Tommy only dates actresses. Second she’s a devout Scientologist. Yes I can hear Tommy scratching that off his scratch list too. Third, bixch’s parents were also members of the faith and that they’ve been teaching their devout daughter the meaning of life ever since she could not think straight. Fourth she’s a full 23 years younger than Tommy which is always good when you’re chasing the young sweet nectar.
Of course there’s only one little problem in this arrangement. Bixch has already got a boyfriend. Which means Tommy might have to throw some bills to make him go away, or better still Tommy can sit down with Yolanda and her hawt bixch (who coincidentally also happens to be a Scientologist) and arrange a sharing schedule of her good nectars. Or then again there’s the other option Yolanda and her bixch could all move in and get married to each other, thereby finally putting the gay Tommy rumors to rest.
But in case you’re still confused and wondering how the Scientology church intends to pull this shit off there’s this statement:
“With the embarrassment his divorce has caused the church, they want to stabilize the situation quickly,” the source said.
“They also want to show that Tom has rebounded fast and that his new wife is beautiful and steeped in Scientology. If the church decides to make Yolanda Tom’s next wife, they’d certainly want her to have a child soon. So she could quickly be going from her modest apartment to a mansion in Beverly Hills with a baby on the way. And there’s little doubt she’d do what’s best for the church.”